A Latke to Takeaway: Gathering Insights from the Festival of Lights
Even the most extroverted and energized among us lose steam during the winter holiday marathon. My wife and I found ourselves crawling into 2025 after hosting a late-night (or should I say, early-morning) New Year’s party. Considering our sleep deprivation, we did not think we would last long at our friends’ New Year’s day Hanukkah celebration. Spoiler alert: we ended up staying longer than expected.
An insincere apology for the forthcoming Hanukkah puns. Here’s how our friends, Ali and Rudy, designed their gathering to keep us engaged—and what you can learn from it for your own events.
1. Timely Communication: Make it Easier to Attend and Engage
In our capitalistic society that spins us round and round, it’s difficult to keep track of party details when we are just trying to manage daily life. Ali and Rudy made sure to send a helpful text on the day of the party with all the essential info—parking, house rules, and other important reminders. They also set clear time frames for the event, accommodating both families with children and adult guests, while still leaving room for flexibility on arrival and departure times.
2. Generous Exclusion: Be Intentional About Your Guest List
Priyah Parker, a gathering leader I frequently align with, coined the term “generous exclusion” in her book The Art of Gathering. I love an opportunity to invite people into traditions and holidays that are not part of their own practice. Introducing friends and family to unfamiliar rituals can often be its own special event, but as Parker states, “it is purposeful not personal”. Sometimes, the most meaningful gatherings are those that are intentionally selective. The hosts designed the party for interfaith couples and Jewish friends to celebrate the festival of lights. The focus of the guest list protected the purpose of the gathering and assisted the hosts in delivering their best offerings at that time.
3. Involve your Guests: Create Shared Ownership
One strategy to ensure people feel truly included is by giving them a role. Ali requested a guest light the menorah with her and initiate the Hebrew prayers. Assigning roles ensures everyone feels like they’re part of the celebration, not just observers. This simple touch can make them feel more connected, even if they’re not typically the "performer" type. An additional tip on this one: ask your guests before the gathering if they would like to help with tasks or lead an activity in case they are uncomfortable with the request.
4. Operational Flow: Set the Space to Serve Your Purpose
Good event design isn’t just about aesthetics—it’s about flow. I often jokingly apply “ops flow”, a concept I take from my business school days, to personal events. In this context, I define it as the set-up that helps achieve the purpose of the event, including ensuring the gathering is accessible and considers the potential movement of your guests. Ali and Rudy created an environment where guests could easily move around and engage with different parts of the space. They set up a designated area for parents to tend to their babies away from the action, while the main buffet was laid out on several tables arranged in an L shape. This design allowed for easy access to food and ample space for mingling. Whether standing, sitting, or playing games, the layout kept people involved without too much crowding or making anyone feel stuck in one area.
5. Focused Fun: Don’t Overcrowd the Agenda
Speaking of overcrowding, all too often hosts attempt to fit too many activities into one gathering. I am guilty (or gelty) of this too. Ali and Rudy facilitated one activity in the center of the room—they brought back the childhood joy of dreidel to their adult guests. A sweatshirt that Ali designed hung on a kitchen cabinet knob above everyone’s heads, figuratively and literally, challenging us to earn it. Our hosts announced that the decorated sweatshirt with the words “Major League Dreidel Champion Master of the Spin” across it would be the reward for the ultimate dreidel winner in the evening’s competition. The demand for participation led to Ali opening up a second dreidel court on the other side of the kitchen island. She enthusiastically stretched painter’s tape creating a box and a Jewish star in the middle. The game evolved and the hosts consulted participants to adapt the rules as needed. People could move in and out of the dreidel arena and the activity did not monopolize the whole event time. Ali hyped competitors and observers up by encouraging them to sing the dreidel song during long spins. One outcome of a meaningful gathering is for guests to experience atypical feelings or encounter new perspectives. I am not a competitive person, yet she even got me into the spirit of the play.
Rudy and Ali put key gathering science into play and served up their purpose hot with the delicious kugel and brisket so everyone could enjoy a taste. Through thoughtful communication, an intentional guest list, and an atmosphere that encouraged participation, they hosted a lively celebration.
If you are planning a gathering to foster deeper connection, meaning, or play, visit our personal gatherings page and contact us to learn more about our creative and customized design, facilitation, and consultation.